Managing Anger

Managing Anger

Anger is like a tree

• The roots of anger are the underlying causes and actions that are triggering your anger.
• The trunk of anger is the way your emotions are being expressed through different actions.
• The fruit of anger is the results of your anger and the reactions that it may cause from others.

Anger is a strong emotion that can be difficult to manage. It’s important to remember that getting angry is normal and understandable. There are several tips that can be beneficial in both managing your own anger, and navigating your student’s anger.Managing your own anger 

• Take time to think about the underlying causes; what is making you angry? The more understanding you are of your anger, the easier it will be to combat your anger.
  • Is it unmet needs that you need to set time aside for?
  • Is it your student’s behavior?
  • Is it underlying emotions, that are building up and transforming into anger?
• Take steps for your own self-care to aide in your relaxation, and to help you to find time to address those underlying causes.
• Accept anger as being inevitable, and part of normal emotions. Sometimes, we get even more angry because of the anger we are already experiencing. Accept your anger and don’t become angrier at your own anger.

Navigating your student’s anger

• Students can have several sources of anger. Being aware of these different sources can be beneficial in navigating your students’ anger.
• Students’ anger can stem from their own social-emotional problems. They could be angry with a friend, the way that they behaved with a friend, an opportunity they missed, of something else. Your student may just need the time to process their anger and to take time for self-care.
• Students’ anger may stem from a traumatic event. It’s important that they take the time they need, and are connected with helpful resources after experiencing trauma. It takes time to process trauma, and it’s important to be aware that your student will process their trauma at their own rate. Give them the time they need, and be able to be a support or connect them to other resources as needed.
• Ensure that you give your student the opportunity to show that they are capable. Students’ anger may stem from what they may see as overparenting, whether you actually are or aren’t overparenting. We want our students to be respectful, safe, and capable. However, overparenting can sometimes impact brain development by not letting students manage on their own. Sometimes, we over-parent without realizing that we are. Students can’t be capable if parents, faculty, and mentors are directing their every move. That can lead to frustration both from students, and from those that our guiding our students. Several steps can be taken to lessen overparenting and to give your student the opportunity to show that they are capable.
  • Say “my son or my daughter” instead of “we” when referring to your student or their activities. This helps to remind yourself that there is a space there and it’s their life.
  • Teach your student about having respect and showing that respect, but also advocating for themselves when needed. For example, if they have a late assignment or low grade, have them communicate with their teacher about steps to move forward rather than you communicating for them. Foster initiative in your student.
  • Let your student struggle and experience hardship at times, so in turn they can build resiliency.
  • Allowing your student to feel responsible and more in control, can help to build qualities of trust, respect, and success.
• Again, remember that these are normal emotions for both you and your student to have. Allow them to take time for self-care when needed, help them to understand the underlying causes, and help them to accept anger just as you are doing.
• Sometimes anger needs to be addressed in the moment and eye to eye; other times anger needs to be addressed after time has been given to slow down and calm down. Try to understand your students anger and what will help them in navigating their anger.
• Create Sometimes we need to set boundaries with big emotions. For example, aay “I will not allow you to hit/kick/yell at me, but I see your anger and you can get that anger out with this pillow.” Show your student that you accept or see their anger, and that there are appropriate ways for them to get that anger out or calm down.
• Offer help. Simply ask “how can I help right now” or “what do you need from me to process this.”
  • Sometimes your student may not want help, and may just need time. Reassure them that “It’s okay to be angry. When you’re ready, I am here.”

After navigating anger, it is important to take time to reset. Self-care is extremely important for navigating our emotions and self-awareness. Take time a part to care for yourselves whether that’s through getting some extra sleep, taking a bath, going for a walk, or other activities. Taking time to reset and process, aids in better understanding and accepting our own emotions in order to move forward.